Appa ❤

(from June 2022)

It is my first time spending so much quality time with him in the last 20+years. As an adult, intentionally repairing and developing a deeper relationship with my dad has been my biggest opportunity for growth as a person🌱

Until 2 years ago, I couldn’t get past my anger about how his alcoholism shaped/ruined my entire life. I don’t have many memories of him being sober for a few months at a stretch. Surviving the ridicule of society, being fostered by extended family/neighbors, while mom tried to put food on the table and pay school fees, all while trying to be a good kid and get good grades to have a better life, is the norm for so many families.💔

I was fortunate enough to have a support system that supported my growth in whatever way they could. My biggest growth was understanding that my parents just tried to do the best they could, with the tools they had. Some of them (like my dad) needed more, but just didn’t have access to better help/coaching/loving support system to get past their patterns and insecurities to lead a life of love. And if my dad wasn’t an alcoholic, I may not have had the drive to be the person I am today🪷

Once I was able to internalize that and start my own healing , I developed a lot of compassion for dad and gratitude for how it’s helped me grow. I reached out to him to let him know that I love him and that’s all I ever want from him — to accept my love. It had some effect on him cuz he’s decided he wants to get sober, it feels very different from all the times before. Him being away from his normal triggers and toxic relationships is helping him heal fast🙏🏽

In our time together in the last 3 months, we’ve been able to explore hard conversations about our past, apologize for all hurtful things we said and did and ultimately, just profess the depth of love for each other (and my friends!)👨‍👧💖

I’m grateful my dad was ready to go on this journey with me. But I know it’s not for everyone, some of us need to set clear boundaries when they’re not willing to do their part of the healing. And that’s okay too ✨

Sending you a lot of love from a full heart❤️